Article by Anando - Italian Osho Times
WE CREATE OUR PROBLEMS BY WANTING THINGS, OR PEOPLE, TO BE DIFFERENT
Have you ever stopped to think that we create our own problems by the simple strategy of wanting things to be different to how they actually are?
We want other people to be different (especially our partners!), we want situations to be different, we want ourselves to be different. And they, and we, can't be other than what we are. It is like wanting the weather to be different. But the weather is what it is. We can accept it and enjoy however it is, or we can complain about it and make ourselves feel miserable. But anyway, it is not going to change the weather, is it? And yet this is what we are doing every time we have a complaint about something (which, let’s be honest, is quite often). We may as well be bashing our heads against a wall.
The other thing we never consider, is that it is actually disrespectful to want to change things, especially others. In a subtle, unconscious way, we are saying we know better than the other what is good for them, and this naturally creates a wall of resistance. In a relationship, it is like taking on the role of a parent and diminishing the other into the role of a child. Is it any wonder we get negative reactions from the other, even though we are convinced we are acting in the best intentions?
And in fact, if we are really honest, our intentions are always in our own interest. If we really respected the other, we would accept them as they are, we would dignify them by letting them decide how to live their own lives, even if it doesn’t fit with our ideas. Even if they are on a path of self-destruction, it is their decision. This is my understanding from Osho of what real love is.
And anyway, what right, what business, do we have to assume we can interfere in someone else’s life? And it is the same with ourselves – wanting ourself to be different is like saying to existence that we know better. And this creates such a tension in us. As Osho explains, it is like saying to Picasso that one of his paintings is wrong – the nose should be different, the shape of the body, the colour of the eyes, etc.
We are all unique - we are all unrepeatable, incomparable masterpieces of existence. If existence has so much respect for us, who are we to question ourselves? But of course we do it all the time. And that is how we make our lives miserable.
Acceptance, as I understand it from Osho, is not resignation. It is enjoying, celebrating ourselves and others as the utterly unique, and imperfect, beings that we are. And that is the basis of much of my work. It has often been said that the issues we group leaders choose to work with are in fact our very own issues. For sure, that is the case with me. Forget about self love – my self acceptance was so low at one point in my life that I was suicidal – I could no longer see the point of getting up each morning. I now wake up with a huge ‘thank you’ to existence – and what made the difference is Osho.
In answer to a question of mine, Osho once said, ‘The only difference between me and you is, you don't say okay to yourself and I have said an absolute okay to myself - that is the only difference. You are continuously trying to improve yourself, and I am not trying to improve myself. I have said: Incompletion is the way life is. You are trying to become perfect and I have accepted my imperfections. That is the only difference. So I don't have any problems. When you accept your imperfection, from where can the problem come? When whatsoever happens you say "It is okay," then from where can the problem come? When you accept limitations, then from where can the problem come? The problem arises out of your non-acceptance. You cannot accept the way you are, hence the problem.
I have accepted the way I am, and that very moment all problems disappeared. That very moment all worries disappeared. Not that I became perfect, but I started enjoying my imperfections’.